My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
