is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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