Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
