Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize