I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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