Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
