Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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