also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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