If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
