Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
