I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
