just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize