I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
