Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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