Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
