So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
