I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
