I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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