Moan for me like Helen Keller
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
