I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
