i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
