I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
how does that bad decision feel?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
