I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
