Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
