Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
