R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize