Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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