Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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