Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
