Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
