Where did you get a picture of my penis
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
