guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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