he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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