well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
