Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
