Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
