Duck Duck Cougar?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
