He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
