Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
