So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
