God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
