I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
