So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
