By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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