So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
