When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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