just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
