Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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