NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
