I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
