I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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