normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
