I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
