Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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