About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize