I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
