you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
