Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
