im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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