i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
that's an acceptable place to lick
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
