At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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