She said her name was "party"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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