Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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