I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize