i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
