Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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