Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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