he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Drunk is not a location!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
