hell yes lets make some ravioli
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
