i jhust puked up my retainher.
I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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