Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
